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09 February 2011 @ 11:28 pm
FIC: The Adventures of Annie, the Refuses-To-Call-Them-Zombie Non-Slayer  
Title: The Adventures of Annie, the Refuses-To-Call-Them-Zombie Non-Slayer
Author: golden_orange  
Medium: Community
Characters: Annie Eddison, Abed Nadir, cameos from others.
Disclaimer: Yeah, they're not mine.
Word count: Around 1,083.
Author's Notes: So I’ve recently started to get into Community and I find myself drawn to Annie. Fortunately, there was a prompt on Babbles in the Fictorium's "Rewriting History" comment fic meme centring on her (Annie is the last one standing in either "Modern Warfare" or "Epidemiology") for me to exploit. This is the first time I’ve written this show or these characters, and honestly I haven’t caught up on a lot of the episodes, so I don’t know how successful they are, but I try anyway. Enjoy!
Author’s Warning: There’s a bit of Annie / Jeff shippiness here; nothing that big (more sort of ‘mild crush’, but just letting you know. I should also point out that, contrary to what appearances may seem, I actually do like Britta. 
Summary: “You’re the Final Girl, Annie. The virginal last survivor who survives the battle, defeats the monsters and saves the day.”


They (and the only words Annie seemed capable of using to describe them was ‘Them’ or 'They', since they no longer seemed human enough for individual names, and she refused to call them ‘zombies’) were beginning to pound on the cage gate when Abed noticed the window. He looked at her, with that intense, contemplative expression he usually had just before comparing something to visual media, before crouching down to give her a leg-up. “Go.”


“You go ahead, Annie. I’ll hold them back. It has to be you. It makes sense.”

‘Makes sense’ to Abed usually meant ‘doesn’t make sense to anyone not Abed’. This was no different. “I’m not leaving without you, Abed! How could this make sense?”

“You’re the Final Girl, Annie. The virginal last survivor who survives the battle, defeats the monsters and saves the day.”

“Hey! I am not a virgin!” Why did everyone keep forgetting that? Okay, she’d been high on learning drugs, he was guy, it was pitch dark and she’d never even seen his penis, but it still counted, darn it.

“Not traditionally, but it’s the twenty-first century, so I’ll allow it. Besides which, the Final Girl is usually a slasher movie trope anyway, so we’ll have to hope it crosses over into a zombie apocalypse. They usually end worse.”

Annie didn’t want to ask, but: “How?”

Abed shrugged. “Everyone dies, usually accompanied by an anti-consumerist or totalitarian metaphor.”

Oh, poop.

Stupid Jeff, Annie thought as she clambered onto Abed’s hand, clasping for the window. Stupid Jeff for letting Them in, and for his stupid metrosexual fashion sense and his fear of manic cats and his refusal to listen to anyone who was organized and his gorgeous eyes and his firm chest that she absolutely did not fantasize about stroking while on a pirate ship dressed as a fair buxom maid.

Annie made it through the window and turned back to reach down, but saw the look in Abed’s eyes and didn’t. Couldn’t.

“Now go. Be the Final Girl, Annie. Make me proud.”

He made no sound as they broke through the gate and lunged towards him.

After a moment, Annie straightened her red riding hood and ran for the main entrance hall. And the thermostat.


Dean Pelton may have been dressed like Lady Gaga, but he still had male private bits. He was clutching at them and whimpering something about the chain of command as Annie unlocked the main door to the library.

“Okay." she murmured to herself, "You can do this, Annie. You’re the final girl. You’re like Buffy, or Xena. If they’d focussed more on their grades instead of fighting monsters. Ooooh...”

They were all stumbling around, looking hungry and infected and icky. And unfortunately, They all heard her come in.

“Okay,” Annie said in the same bossy tone she usually used whenever the study group had gotten off topic and was threatening her grade-point average in their latest group project, backed up by a confidence she wasn’t really feeling, “we can do this the easy way or the hard way.”

They all lunged towards her. Unfortunately, what she thought was the ‘easy way’ and what They thought was the ‘easy way’ turned out to be totally different. And there were a lot more of Them. Fortunately, they were kind of slow, stupid and lumbering, so it was at least possible to push past them.

“Ick! Ew! Oh, this is totally gross! Gah!”

Or punch, in certain cases. (And she couldn’t deny and she felt bad because of it, but it was oddly satisfying to punch Britta in the face.)

Thwack “OW! Sorry Britta!”

Thwack “OW! Sorry Shirley!”

Thwack “OW! Sorry, Starburns!”

Thwack “OW! Sorry -- oh, it’s you, Pierce.”

Thw -- “... Jeff?”

Jeff stared at her blankly from where he leant on the wall. He’d been poking at his mobile phone. (Even as a zombie, he had to be the coolest person in the room. Typical Jeff.) With speed Annie hadn’t expected, he lunged.

“Jeff, it’s me, Annie -- ”

From behind her, Troy grabbed her, snarling. At almost the same time as Jeff’s teeth sank into her neck (oh come on, this is so not how I wanted this to happen ohmygoddon’teventhinkofthat), Troy’s teeth scratched her arm.

“Ahh! No! Nooo! Ahh -- eww, alright, enough! You got me, okay, you...”

Annie slumped against the wall, head spinning, as Jeff and Troy let go of her and stumbled away. She looked up, vision fogging over, at the thermostat on the wall on the wall. It seemed so far away, and she could suddenly hear her mother’s favourite disappointed sigh in her head; Honestly, Annie, I don’t know why you even bother, sometimes I wonder whether you can do anything right...

Weakly, arm trembling, she began to pull herself up the wall and reach for the thermostat.

Yeah? Screw you, mom.

It seemed so far...

The last thing she felt before the fog cover her eyes was her fingers tapping the temperature control buttons.


Annie awoke a few minutes later slumped under the thermostat with a book open in her lap. The page it was open to was something about dominating parents.

Puzzled, she looked at the cover; The Personal Efficiency Program: How to Stop Feeling Overwhelmed and Win Back Control of Your Life.

Apparently her infected self shared her taste in reading. She made a note to check it out of the library when everything was back to normal.

All around her, people were stumbling around, looking confused and shivering as a cool breeze blew through the library. To her left, Britta was talking confusedly to Shirley as she rubbed her jaw; Annie felt another stab of guilt.

“Annie? You okay?”

Jeff was standing over her, head cocked, looking mildly concerned. Annie thought for a moment about his snarling face moments before, but smiled. “Fine, thank you.”

Behind her, she saw Abed, talking to Troy. Abed looked over her, nodded, and smiled faintly.

She’d done it. Annie had saved the day. She was the final girl. All right.

Of course, the government chose that exact moment to wipe everyone’s memories of what had happened. But still, the feeling was nice while it lasted.

Current Location: Guess.
Current Mood: relaxedrelaxed
Current Music: "An Elegant Chaos" ~ Julian Cope and the Teardrop Explodes
pyro_manical: Comedypyro_manical on February 9th, 2011 04:30 pm (UTC)
!!!! I was not expecting this to be filled, what an awesome surprise! And you did both, which is even more awesome! Even though Modern Warfare and Epidemiology are perfect episodes I still felt Annie deserved better than getting taken out immediately.

This was great. I loved Abed referencing the Final Girl trope (Community needs a slasher parody because Annie is such a Final Girl), Annie apologizing while punching everyone, her running commentary on what her mother would think, and her inappropriate thoughts about Jeff. Thanks so much!
golden_orangegolden_orange on April 24th, 2011 01:46 am (UTC)
Thank you! I'm glad you liked it, particularly because it was suggested by you.

And please excuse the unforgivably late reply; real life has a tendency to interrupt my fanfiction. :-)
darkmusdarkmus on February 11th, 2011 06:41 am (UTC)
I read the paintball one first (fitting since it came first?) and I love how in both Annie says "poop" and hears her mother in her head. XD

Also, no mention of Chang/Shirley? *waggles eyebrows*

Both of these stories were great. Really creative. :)
golden_orangegolden_orange on April 24th, 2011 01:47 am (UTC)
Thanks! Glad you liked it! Sorry about the late reply!

And I am now kicking myself that I didn't include Chang / Shirley somewhere... :-)
fangirl_101: dean what whatfangirl_101 on February 16th, 2011 09:15 pm (UTC)
Awesome! Love this rewrite.
golden_orangegolden_orange on April 24th, 2011 01:47 am (UTC)
Thanks! Glad you liked it. Sorry about the late reply!